3 Memoirs to Help You Heal From Purity Culture
When I first questioned what I was taught about sexual ethics in church, I was in my early 20s, and never would have had the guts to experiment beyond the bounds of what I had been told was “safe” and “appropriate”—until I moved cross-country and found myself within a new social circle.
For anyone making big changes in their belief system, what can be most destabilizing about it is that a shift in beliefs is a threat to a sense of belonging and community.
You’re not alone. I wrote my story about overcoming purity culture for you. Read Now
Deconstruction happens in stages. I talk more about my experience in this YouTube video, paired with the stages of grief.
If you are in a place where nobody in your life affirms your new worldview and beliefs, you can create that sense of community for yourself—a bridge—by reading stories of others who have traveled the same path.
When I decided to write about purity culture back in 2017, I knew there were experts on doctrine, sexuality, and mental health far more qualified to cover the nuts and bolts. You can find many books like this on my Bookshop list. What I wanted to bring to the conversation was a personal story, because, ultimately, that’s what brings freedom.
The result is my memoir, Shameless, on the list below, joined by two other incredible books that address purity culture with equally authentic and vulnerable storytelling. I hope these books help you feel more at home within yourself.
Shameless by Dani Fankhauser
An easy-read memoir about growing up in the coastal suburbs and moving to New York City. “The OC”-meets-”19 Kids and Counting.”
Originally published in 2017, Shameless is now updated with a new preface from 2023.
Review:
"Dani Fankhauser is fearless in recounting her experiences and diving deep on her change of perspective. Highly recommend!”
-Bestselling author Jennifer Ann Shore
Heretic by Jeanna Kadlec
An intellectual memoir by an academic about marrying the pastor’s kid and coming out as queer.
Review:
"Brilliant and well-read, Kadlec braved the emotional tides of religious trauma, divorce, and coming out as queer all before her thirtieth birthday. ... Giving a voice to past and present evangelicals Kadlec invites readers to hold a mirror to the evangelical-political hydra that threatens to overthrow true American freedom."
-Booklist
#ChurchToo by Emily Joy
An activist’s memoir about the unique dynamic of abuse and harassment that happens within religious organizations.
Review:
"Emily Joy Allison proves herself as a theologian of the highest order, expertly knitting biblical knowledge, historical reflection, cultural observation, hundreds of conversations and interviews with survivors, and her own intimate experience to narrate the rise of purity culture and its devastating effects."
-Rev. Emmy Kegler
